I went to a baby shower yesterday. I knew I was going to have to bring Fuzz. TSA was building a deck on the back of our house and would not give up any precious daylight weekend hours of working on it in order to chase Fuzz away from his saws, drills, and other items my almost 17-month-old might mistake for toys.
Shnook was excited to help Daddy, although he did have a brief interlude where he cried his eyes out because he wanted to go to a 'party.'
Not this party, Shnook, trust me.
The morning of the shower, following a shitty night of interrupted sleep thanks to my screaming toddler, I scavenged my closet for something decent to wear. After a long depressing search, I selected a pair of flats, some shiny pants, a knit shirt and cute sweater/cape I got on sale at Barney's over two years ago.
My hair wasn't quite cooperating, but I shrugged it off, and put on some make-up. When I left, I thought I looked alright. Not awesome or anything, but ya know, cute enough for a baby shower.
I was meeting a couple of other close mom friends there. Both were bringing their babies. I wound my way up the Pacific Coast Highway to the Palisades, where this event was being held. It was a gorgeous day, as January days in Los Angeles tend to be. It was probably around seventy-two degrees, with not a cloud in the sky.
When I pulled into the cul-de-sac, one mom was waiting for me while her 12 month-old baby napped in the car. She seemed to be dressed in a similar outfit. I'll add that she recently found out she was expecting again...quite unexpectedly, so she's got that fashion variable as well.
Mom #3 arrived also wearing pants and a cardigan for easily accessible boobage, and an ERGO, of course, equipped with a not-quite-three-month-old. The first thing she said was that her baby had been up every hour last night, so I bet her outfit was probably not her biggest concern. The fact that she even made it to the party was commendable.
We entered as a team and...well
Suddenly I felt like I picked the wrong outfit. Every lady in this place, parent or not was:
a) toned and slim
b) wearing a hip fancy dress
c) wearing some cool boots. (oh yeah, it's January...BOOTS. Why didn't I think of that?)
d) perfectly coiffed and made up.
There was even a woman who had a baby a month ago. She came without her baby, and even SHE looked better than we did.
Yeah, well we kind of hung out in our own little corner and ate cake while Fuzz played with the dog's ball.
Although I live in Los Angeles, I don't see people like this in my every day life. I don't know what these other women look like in their normal lives, but they sure fooled me into thinking they look like this all the time.
Shows like Real Housewives of Whereeverthefuck are skewing shit for the rest of us. So maybe I should get my act together, just a little bit more, a concept which is becoming more of a possibility. I can almost see the light at the end of the nursing tunnel, and more options for childcare have started to surface.
But I know, even if I wanted to, I could never look like these women. They're just not my people.
I'm a real mom and sometimes I look like shit. Even in Los Angeles.