The Hellacious Phenomenon that is 5 pm to Bedtime

Why, oh why does this suck so badly? 5pm until bedtime is when I have both kids without TSA. While most of the Stay-At-Home moms around the country get relief around this time of day, my day gets considerably more hectic from the time I pick up the Shnook (with the Fuzzball in the car).

I fully understand that I'm lucky to be with the baby for a good chunk of the day, Two years ago, I was complaining about just the infant, but believe it or not, being alone with Fuzz, although still exhausting, is kind of a vacation compared to the mental gymnastics my toddler puts me through. All is usually good and fine when I pick him up. We have very pleasant conversation on the way home, pointing out landmarks such as fountains, gyms, car washes, etc.

However, the moment we pull in the driveway the trouble starts.

“I don't wanna park here.”

“This is where we park.”

“No!!! I don't WANNA park here!!”

I usually ignore this, as there is little I can do about it, plus I know he's just pushing buttons. 

“Mommy, I want front door, not side door.”

This I can accommodate, since it's hard to get Fuzzball’s carseat through the side door anyway.

Then we get to the door and he plays the mean game of “This is not your house. No, mommy, this is not your house.” (and he shuts the door).

So this whole time, Fuzz, is either sleeping, or screaming, and if he's not screaming, he will often start screaming once we get in the door. It's not uncommon to have at least one kid crying at some point during this entire three hour stretch until Shnook falls asleep. Good rockin' times.

As soon as we get in the door, I usually have to pick up the baby and feed him. When it was still light out, we could go outside for 20 minutes or so—yay for parenting in Southern California. If not, then it's trains and blocks and letters and mess-making. Once in a while, the electronic babysitter gets a turn, too.  If I'm really lucky I'm nursing the Fuzz on a stool in the bathroom while the Shnook is pooping. That's totally awesome. Poor Fuzzball.

The Shnook is quite a control freak, and likes to help with pretty much everything, When he doesn't get to help, he throws a fit. If you flush the toilet without asking him he has a fit, because he didn't get to 'help.' Cooking is no exception to Shnook's love of helping. Making cooking safe for a two-year-old is quite a challenge. I try to make really simple stuff for him, his favorite being whole wheat pasta with olive oil, parmesan cheese and olives. Even though it would be faster for me to just toss it all up and serve it to him, if I do that we'll have a Level 9 tantrum. Please keep in mind that while all this is going on, it is also the witching hour for Fuzzball, who was mellow and calm the whole day but is now shaking things up by refusing to let me put him down. I usually have no choice, as I don't want to spill hot pasta water on his head, or something else horrific like that. I have yet to try the 'baby on the back' technique, which could assist in this cooking nightmare.

Dinner becomes about telling Shnook to stay in his chair, sit down and eat, etc. Occasionally we have a pleasant conversation during dinner and it's very lovely, but other nights, like last night for example, I want to lock myself in the kitchen alone.

Some nights, like once or twice a week, TSA comes home even later than his usual 8pm arrival, then I put the Shnook to bed on my own. I'm getting better at this, but with the baby, it's quite a challenge to do the bath. I end up putting Fuzz down to solid crying, while attempting not to drown Shnook. I feel like I'm juggling fire. If I can get to the point of reading books and nursing the Fuzz at the same time, I feel like I'm almost home free but that road feels like the tortoise crossing the finish line. There I go again with the turtle analogies.

How do you deal with the dinner to bedtime chaos? Give me your tips!!

 

 

 

Comments

[Mindy]

Wow, I can relate to so much of this in terms of the toddler, so hard to imagine how you do it juggling an infant too. N wants to do everything herself, and I love that, but it's sometimes incredibly unpredictable which things she'll freak out about if you do them for her.

The way I've been dealing with this time of day is to get together with another mom and kid a couple of times a week, either at their house or mine (I'd go to a playground before it started getting dark early). While it seems like a weird time for a playdate, it's really helped a lot since so many people are in the same boat when their spouses come home late. It makes a difficult time of the day easier, even if it's just for an hour. We'll feed the kids together (and I notice N eats more when there's another kid there), which makes my life easier too.

Also, another mom friend of mine just proposed forming a group of families for a weekly pizza night. We'll rotate houses so you only have to host once in a while, it will be chaos, but the kids will get fed and it's one less night of having to deal on your own. I think it will help us get through the winter.

[Naomi]

Yes, Mindy! Yes, we were doing this back before I had two! I should definitely start doing it again, at least once or twice a week. It will help. It is hard now that he goes to daycare and it's dark out, also, a lot of other kids go to bed earlier than he does. But somehow, I've gotta find a way to make at least one night more pleasant!

[Heather B.]

Hi Naomi, it's Heather from WO. I am a little past this. My youngest is 4 1/2. When I had my second (and he was a screamer), our bathroom was right outside his bedroom, so for bathtime, I would put the baby in his crib(and let him cry if I needed him to) and wash the oldest in the tub. I would then rock and read to the baby and oldest at the same time. There were many times when I would nurse the baby with the oldest sitting in my lap too. The oldest would then get the special privelege of going in mommy and daddy's bed to watch a show while I put the baby to bed. He went to sleep a good half hour to hour earlier than the oldest. That left mommy/oldest time for us at the end of the evening so we would read books, snuggle and bed. My oldest was 2 1/2 when my second was born. Thankfully, he was very accomodating. I feel your pain with the husband thing. Mine has, unfortunately, never been home for bedtime. At some point, it will get easier for him not to be home because it becomes disruptive. By the time the third came along, we did what the other poster (Mindy) suggested. Once a week, a friend and I would switch off houses for pizza. Misery loves company and the kids had a blast. They are still very good friends today, even though we have moved from South Orange. I finally figured out by the third that, if a baby is screaming at 6pm, it's because he is tired. I would put my youngest down then and he would sleep through the night(except for nursing). It does get easier. I just find this age of babies to be very difficult. The sleep deprivation sets in, and so does the depression, so be careful! I hope this helps a bit.

[Naomi]

Hi Heather!!
So glad you're reading the blog!
I think when the baby gets a little older and has more of a schedule, I might be able to do what you did. Right now he sleeps for short spurts at the end of the day and fusses before he goes down for his 'long' sleep (10-2 or 3 if I'm lucky) and he'll sometimes take 20-30 minute naps in the evening (also, if I'm lucky) and I can squeeze bathtime in there. Basically, I do what you did- put Fuzz in the bassinet or the swing-sometimes to screaming while I wash Shnook.
I also agree about the husband disruption thing. When I was still nursing Shnook, I would put him to bed, and then it became a Daddy ritual when we stopped, but I think we're going to have make another change with that one even though it's going to make it harder for me. I hope that soon Fuzz will go down for longer stretches, but for now I can't complain about 4 hours!

[jamie beth]

i have no advice, but i am thinking this is instant birth control .... sheesh, i'm so sorry you have your hands full, quite literally and i miss you. skype soon?