Endings...and Beginnings

Tomorrow, I'm having another baby.

 

Today, I've tried to spend some quality time with my son, the last moments I'll have to give to him and him alone for a long long time. After we read books and I brushed his teeth, TSA carrried him off to bed and my heart began to ache. While I know hormones are partially responsible, I couldn't help but feel that the tears streaming down were legitimately related to my feelings of some kind of loss.

 

When TSA came out, we sat with my parents and talked about what made the Shnook the Shnook. All his little personality traits that have been there from the very start. How when he sleeps on his back his arms are thrown over his head, and he's done that from day one. How his strong will has prevailed from the instant he yanked the tubes out of his nose when he was 40 minutes old. How his sense of humor is completely developed at age two.

I lamented to my mother and father about my fears of Shnook's personality completely shifting after the birth of the new one. When I look at pictures of my sister before I was born she was always smiling, but after I was born, she seemed to have a perma-frown in almost every photo, except for the first ones, before she really knew what the hell had hit her.

 

My parents comforted me in my fears and although they agreed that my sister did have a rough time adjusting, it didn't change who she was at the core. Yes, it's true. Things are changing. Again. But it's a good thing. Shnook will be a great big brother. It will take a lot of adjusting for him, and for me, and for TSA too. Growing pains for all of us, but lots and lots of love too.

 

It's the end of an era, but the beginning of another one. I look forward to hugging both of my children.

Comments

[Maggie]

Very sweet. Lump in throat. I can only imagine that it would be hard to have your baby become the big kid overnight. What an adjustment! I think it's wonderful that you are so sensitive to what R is going to experience. Ultimately, his life will be so much better, because he will get to grow up with his little brother/ sister (I'm voting for a girl).

Good luck tomorrow. And try to get some sleep- it will make all the difference!

xoxo

[Kristin Merten]

This is so sweet Naomi :) I totally remember this fear and can only say that nothing is sweeter than watching my boys play and laugh and hug... you'll see! Good luck today!! xoxoxo

[Sarah Wischnia]

I am a little teary reading this, and although I'm not there yet I can totally relate to the feeling. But there is plenty of love for everyone - in fact, you're bringing more love into your family. Roman couldn't be luckier. Sending you lots of good thoughts for the big day!

[Ashley s]

My siblings are the best gift my parents ever gave me. Also, it has been scientifically proven that siblings significantly reduce your odds of turning into a narcissistic shit. Secretly, I look forward to the many awesome tales of displacement adjustment. Xoxoxo

[jamie beth]

i'm totally with you. i want nora to have a brother or sister, but i'm worried about how it might change her, and us. thinking about you all -- all the way out here in PA! hugs!

[Michelle]

I'm just catching up with your blog. I know this post is old, but I was so touched I must comment. I just had baby #2 in July. He wasn't due until August. When I put my 22 month old girl to bed the night before #2 was born, I had no idea I'd be going to the hospital to deliver her baby brother hours later. When the nurses confirmed that I was indeed in labor, I cried my heart out because I hadn't had the chance to finish my time alone with #1. I'd had plans to do special things with her and tell her more of what to expect, and to at least tell her goodbye before I went to the hospital. She will never recall life without her brother, but I wanted that time for me more than anything.

[Naomi]

Hi Michelle, thanks so much for sharing your story. It's totally true that the time is really for you and not for your little one. I'm sorry you didn't get to have that time with your daughter.