Become a Fan

Read about life raising my toddler on Toddler Times

August 2013

Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
        1 2 3
4 5 6 7 8 9 10
11 12 13 14 15 16 17
18 19 20 21 22 23 24
25 26 27 28 29 30 31
My Photo

Twitter Updates

    follow me on Twitter
    Blog powered by Typepad

    « What page are you on? Or on what page are you? | Main | forcing a post »

    January 04, 2010

    TrackBack

    TrackBack URL for this entry:
    http://www.typepad.com/services/trackback/6a01116895cc0e970c0120a7a5c114970b

    Listed below are links to weblogs that reference Moms and Dads and the 80/20 split:

    Comments

    Feed You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.

    Mindy

    Ah yes. I wish I could say that I didn't relate. Just tonight, dad was in charge of bath and bed. But the kid was not in a good mood and just wanted mama. Who am I to argue if she's screaming if I'm not there and calm when I am? It was only because she was overtired, and he often puts her to bed with no help, but it's still irritating somehow. I made him stay with me though, because if I wasn't getting a break after taking care of her all day then neither is he!

    Anoosh

    Here's a solution: Give the kid to Daddy and take off. Seriously. The way to deal with the "I need your help for every little thing" is to just leave. K. was insecure about taking care of S. all by himself (and, truthfully, so was I) until he was forced on some occasions to deal all by himself. And now he's really good at all aspects and is pulling his weight very well.

    As for you mamas who are doing the kid's bath - really? I have never done bath because S. views it as open bar. (The two or so times I have, I was in a bathing suit!) We established early on that bath is special Daddy time. Of course, K. is consistently home in the evenings, which many daddies can't do!

    I encourage y'all to check out www.momsrising.org for more info and thoughts on the child care split...

    Naomi

    Hey Anoosh, Thanks for the comment! Just to clarify:

    1. TSA takes him for whole days often, and I've never been worried about his abilities, it just seems like he wants/expects me to do more when I'm around, KWIM?

    2. No way would I be doing the bath WITH him. What I mean by that is next to him, outside the tub, clothes on. :-)

    3. Thanks for the link.

    Naomi

    Mindy, I totally relate!

    Maggie

    Again, laughing. You're so funny and so right.

    Steve so often offers to "feed her, but can you just warm up her food?" And he never understands my annoyance at the fact that he can't just complete the whole task (from warming the food to wiping crap off the floor) especially when I do these tasks all day every day to completion with absolutely no help!

    I've often said I want to be a dad in my next life!

    Anoosh

    You might find this more useful for this immediate concern than MomsRising. Here's something from the New York Times:

    http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/01/06/can-parenting-be-truly-equal/?scp=1&sq=equal%20parenting&st=cse

    This post lists a lot of books about attaining a 50/50 split.

    I don't think we'll be able to accomplish that at our house, certainly not until the kid(s) are both firmly in school!

    jamiebeth

    I've been thinking about this a lot lately. And the part I keep getting tripped up on is the part about how much better it is than when dad's had very little to do with child rearing. As my husband and I said to each other last night, "Damn 21st Century!" We realize that a lot of arguments we have about division of labor would be completely moot if we had had this kid in the 50s! But then my husband said something great: "If we had had her in the 50s she wouldn't have had a strong female role model like you." And then I said something great: "If we had had her in the 50s she wouldn't be so closely bonded to you." (My husband was home with us for the first three months of her life.) And if we had had her in the 50s, we wouldn't have my paycheck. (I realize this is al vast oversimplification, but it made us feel better.)

    Verify your Comment

    Previewing your Comment

    This is only a preview. Your comment has not yet been posted.

    Working...
    Your comment could not be posted. Error type:
    Your comment has been posted. Post another comment

    The letters and numbers you entered did not match the image. Please try again.

    As a final step before posting your comment, enter the letters and numbers you see in the image below. This prevents automated programs from posting comments.

    Having trouble reading this image? View an alternate.

    Working...

    Post a comment